#being a fanfic writer be like
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As if I wasn't already exhausted enough this morning...
It's been brought to my attention that people are taking my fanfics, editing them, and sharing them around. I don't have the words to describe how not okay this is. If you don't like something about my fanfic, then I'm sorry to hear that, but there are a lot of other fics out there you can read instead.
I put time and effort and care into my writing, as does every writer. To take my work without permission and change it feels like someone just punched me in the gut. Frankly it makes me not want to share my work at all and to take down all the writing I do have up, because why should I share anything with people if all they're going to do is decide it's not good enough and they're going to do what they want with it and make it "better"?
And before anyone comes at me, this is not what a transformative work does. This is not the same as fanfiction. I'm fucking exhausted from working two eleven hour shifts over the weekend so my brain is not working so someone smarter and more articulate than I am can explain why. I'm tired.
This genuinely makes me want to take down all my works and not share anything new. It's very simple, kiddos: Don't like it? Don't read it. You will miss out on some fanfics that way, just like you'll miss out on some films, or books, or TV shows. I've missed out on really good fic, novels, films, etc, for the same reason. We all do. It's a part of life. Stuff will sometimes have things in it that you don't like. Skim those parts, fast-forward those scenes, grin and bear it, or just go and read/watch something else.
Normally I would make this post unrebloggable but I worry other writers in this fandom might experience the same thing and not realize it. So people are welcome to reblog this. Anyone who's an ass on it will be blocked, no second chances.
Just. Don't do this guys. Holy shit don't do this. What the actual fuck.
#lincoln writes stuff#911 abc#911 fanfic#yes unfortunately tagging the fandom since that's the fandom it happened in#I'm just#holy fuck#genuinely I want to message every writer I know in this fandom#even if we've never spoken#to like... warn them this is apparently a thing#I wish I could make my brain work right now but I'm so fucking braindead#I'm working three jobs and this is my fun relax safe space except NOT ANYMORE 'CAUSE PEOPLE ARE BEING DICKS#just... don't fucking do this what the FUCK is wrong with you#actual CHILDREN are more respectful holy fuck
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#did i monkey paw this by talking about how much i want paget and krysten ritter to play sisters#criminal minds evolution#criminal minds spoilers#so many fanfic writers from like 2008 just won ajf;lkajf congrats#(i have grown so much because i'm actually just like. laughing about how much this season didn't make sense instead of being enraged)#anyway back to rewatching the comfort seasons#emily prentiss
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Honestly, I love it when characters relapse. When someone who’s gotten over their anger issues falls into a situation so out of their depth they fall back on their old habits. When someone who’s learned to open up becomes a recluse again in order to cope with something outside their control.
There’s just something so horrible, so toxic, about watching a character grow and then slip back into their old selves in order to cope, bc you know they still care, that they’re the same inside, but watching them hurt so hard they don’t know what else to do brings a sense of catharsis.
#writeblr#writing#writers on tumblr#writing community#creative writing#my writing#fanfic#fanfiction#one of those tropes that has to be played carefully tho#it’s important to show them wresting with it#and realizing what they’re doing#but being so lost in their pain they don’t know what to do#show they’re contrary feelings and that they’re still the same inside#it’s just a defense mechanism#also don’t make it seem like a flick of a switch#a slow process of relapse and a slow process of recovery from it is also important#not a plot twist for the sake of it#or played for drama#but a legitimate change with real consequences#just yappin#writing prompts#writing tropes#writing stuff#writing characters#characters#character arcs#oc stuff#tropes#trope talk
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PLEASE ANY F1 FIC WRITER GIVE ME A LASCAR SIZE DIFFERENCE (specifically oscars tiny ass hands vs landos giant hands) FIC AND MY LIFE IS YOURS
#PLEASE#I NEED#like being so for real#its a need not a want#idc if its freaky or not#pleaseeeee#f1 fanfic#f1 writers#lando norris#ln4#oscar piastri#op81#landoscar#also LETS GOOO OSCAR#second W goes crazy#(i cried)#formula 1#f1
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deadclaws where Logan is not at all, shut the fuck up why would you say that, jealous of the attention Wade gives Mary Puppins
#throws prompt to the piranha fanfic writers#FEAST MY CHILDREN#irrationally jealous mind you. considering Logan loves the baby too#its like when your dogs or cats at home scratch at their ears but you can't clearly see why its itchy#that. thats Logan being jealous and clingy#Zuko collapsing because he did A Good Thing 🤝 Logan collapsing because he wants affection but Struggles To Express#im afraid only Wade's neurodivergency would pick up on it#sigh i think about those old gay men every day now#deadpool 3#deadpool#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#wolverine#logan howlett#poolverine#deadclaws#deadpool 2024
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of “Lan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxian” posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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stan twins the canon cptsd brothers i will always think about all your unaddressed issues that would make perfect plot fuel for your spinoff
and also the whole 'stan getting that poem by bill via a website which contrasts with bill getting one from the axolotl via a website' foreshadowing thing
like idk i would love something like su future but like more optimistic, aka not an accumulated breakdown that has to be mostly resolved off screen at the end :/// but something thats being kinda addressed throughout? (although would love to see one of them turn into a monster thats always fun lol)
stan having severe issues from his dad and those years of being homeless that we keep on getting more info on but never really getting confronted on (the drifter catalogue and tijuana incident...), him being completely alone for like twenty years when running the shack before soos comes along to the point that 1998 is noted as his low point, and him not really learning about bill+what he did to ford until ages after he killed him if he ever did get the full context
while i think amnesia and everyone seeing him as a hero actually helped with stan's 'i'm a worse version of my brother' thing its still a lingering issue too and we now got him being insecure over his own hands
ford being immediately thrown from 'being tortured by bill' to 'being stuck in the multiverse and being chased by bounty hunters constantly', him fully expecting himself to die when destroying bill, and him only now being safe for the first time in 30 years ....relatively safe, he's still in constant danger because of course he is
idk in the end the series wants them to be happy and they deserve it, its why i wasn't too worried about the book being like 'ooh bill is back!! and the book is haunting ford' thing cos i knew they'll be ok
#stan pines#ford pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#gravity falls#stan twins#as for the 'still on your mind' thing to me its stan literally thinking about bill despite ford resolving to move past it#or alternatively me on my same coin theory obsession lmao#me yelling and screaming at ouroboros being used to link to the axolotl and bill and how ford didn't actually keep it#which brings up even more questions about it reappearing in the shack when stan takes over#of course even if him realising about reincarnation being a thing i think its still way less to deal with than his actual issues#something something a same soul doesnt mean much when he already proved himself a better person a million times over#idk my thoughts on reincarnation as a concept is like eh??? anyway#also completely unrelated but stan writing fanfic means he knows what soos meant when he was talking about stan fics#soos seems like a gen fic writer especially with the ones we got as those promos#the train one where he comes up with a giant backstory for the setting that has nothing to do with the fic bros is super funny#but meanwhile we have stan the canonical smut writer who had to be writing it that summer#would he be a self insert shipper? would he projecting on the duchess instead? is he both???#i have many questions#then again judging from hows theres a wedding scene that he got super emotional over he might just be a shipper????#this has nothing to do with my original post#...or does it cos the axolotl last appears reacting to stan freaking out about count li--#anyway if you think this post is longer than my usual its cos i physically made myself delete most tags and put it in the actual post
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Fanart for @honeydots Fire Emblem fanfic. I've been using it as a reason to fluke out of social interactions for the last two weeks and boy oh boy I will continue to do so >:)
#But jokes aside I love the fic#Some of Takumis monologues hit a bit TOO close to home#I have like 2k words left to read and I find myself a tad hesitant to do so because then it would be OVER and who's gonna save me from bein#ugh#SOCIAL#with my FRIENDS#then huh??#anyway#forrest admission to being bullied to Leo made me tear uuuup im not jooooking and that was the moment I decided I needed to draw fanart#I've read so much fanfic in my life but this is the first time I actually drew something for it#so feel special I guess?#thank you for writing this wonderful fic#have the praise from another long fic writer because gurl I KNOW how difficult it is trust me#i KNOW#fire emblem#fire emblem fates#fire emblem leo#fire emblem takumi#leokumi#ao3 fanfic#fanart#my art
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Why do you comment?
Was discussing fic commenting practices with a friend the other day, and realised we both comment on things for different underlying reasons. So I thought it might be interesting to make a poll about it! Why do you comment? Do you see it as a one-on-one interaction with the author, or as a way of supporting the community? Is it a form of payment or the start of a dialogue?
I think there are a lot of different and valid attitudes to this, and I’m curious to see what different readers’ thought processes are! I’m sure that for most readers, multiple of these answers apply—try to pick the one that feels most important to you, and please do expand on them in the tags if you like!
#comment culture#fanfic#polls#for me the main reason is to put positive energy into the fandom/community#i want authors to know i liked their story and i want people to feel good about putting their stories out there!#but i also believe that energy gets reinvested in new fics or other good fandom things that i will benefit from#so i don’t consider it a duty as such but a way of contributing to a community i love#as a writer i would always prefer people read my fics without interacting than avoid them because they feel pressured to comment#so it’s fine not to comment! we all have limited energy!#but if you get something out of fandom#think about what you could put back in#and feel proud of being a good steward of our fandom ecosystem#fandom
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It was fucking rape. That's my fucking point of view.
What do you mean he liked it? What do you mean it was cheating? What do you mean I like her?
It was rape, there is no other interpretation other than rape.
Robby lived with two addicts and yet he was abandoned in a bar with free access to alcohol, and that's where it started.
He got drunk for the first time, he drank for the first time and he has no resistance to alcohol because he stays away as best he can for the simple fact that his parents were addicts who never cared about him. So he wanted to forget what was happening, to repress all of this and he turned to alcohol because where else would he go when everyone didn't give a damn about him, or his situation with Tory or his emotions? Where else was he supposed to go when his example of dealing with emotions is aggression and addiction? So he drank. He drank to a level where he couldn't formulate a response, a sentence, when Kwon came to talk to him and provoke him, and we know that if he was sober he would have done something. It was obvious on his own face listening to Kwon that he was spaced out, drunk, and then Zara approached him. And took him to her room, from where he came out the next morning. No memory of the night before, a headache, and still looking out of it, as we can see when she kissed him and he didn't even react to it. The level of alcohol this requires is the level of alcohol that prevents someone from giving consent.
— I barely remember last night
— Good thing I do
Can we see the exact connotation that something happened? That she actually took advantage of the boy who couldn't speak to give consent, who couldn't think to say no, who was too drunk for this to be acceptable? The fact that she shows no remorse whatsoever for this happening and yet kisses him again.
Besides the fact that the writers themselves are treating it like it's some kind of cheating with Tory, the characters themselves acting like he's not a vulnerable person being raped by someone who knows better?
I hate her and I hate the writers for making this like it's nothing. I don't want to be that girl, but being that girl, if the roles were reversed, would this be in the show? Would this be treated that way? Or would they actually treat it like the SA situation that it is?
From the beginning, you can see her interest in Robby - starting with that scene in the captains' photo shoot where she talks to Tory. She knows he's in a relationship. All those teasing scenes with Tory. Her taking advantage of Robby. Then the fight scene.
— You chose her over me?
Like, girl, what the fuck did you expect? He doesn't know you, he doesn't like you, you raped him and you're going after his girlfriend - the person he loves? How high is your ego to even consider that he would choose you? Axel's obsession with Sam I can understand more, although I still have my doubts. She was the first person to understand and see his situation with his sensei, she was friendly and he developed a protectiveness towards her. Although his attitude towards Miguel was wrong, he didn't rape Sam or act like a bitch towards her.
Iron Dragons and their obsession with the Miyagi-Do captains.
Zara Malik and the fact that she raped Robby Keene.
#cobra kai s6#cobra kai s6 spoilers#cobra kai#robby keene#zara malik#axel kovacevic#samantha larusso#tory nichols#miguel diaz#he was raped that was rape and the writers don't give a damn because they are using it as a cheating plot#iron dragons#miyagi do#He grew up with addicts and the first time he drinks alcohol this happens and if it's not the biggest trauma I don't know what is#rape/noncon#she's not a badass for acting like that and she's not a badass for going after him or Tory she's not a badass she's a fucking rapist#i have many feelings#I really have a lot of feelings about the fact that Robby himself sees this more as cheating than rape#and I need a fanfic of him being comforted because no this was not cheating and no it was not your fault#where Johnny actually acts like a father or Daniel focuses on something other than a dead old man and his legacy#he didn't like it he's a fucking minor who was left vulnerable and she took advantage of that out of any obsession with him and Tory#Johnny and Shannon were not good parents even though they could have tried at some point#even if Johnny is still trying what the fuck??? do something besides ignore his existence#or just keep talking about karate or the new child you're going to have with the mother of the boy he thinks replaced him#Robby I love you and you deserve so much more#kwon jae sung
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In my heart this is how the finale ACTUALLY ended. In my heart…
Click for Quality!
Based on this specific panel from the comics:
#I liked the finale don’t get me wrong#it was beautifully bittersweet and hit me hard#but like.#IM SORRY I JUST WANT THEM TO KISS AND BE HAPPY TOGETEHR FOREVER#IS THAT SO MICH TO ASK!?#IS THAT SO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK FOR!?#Fuck it I’ll do it myself#I’ll draw them kissing and being happy as many times as I need to#fuck I might go crazy and become a fanfic writer#they wanna give me a bittersweet emotionally painful ending?#they don’t want to give me the fluffiest toothrottingest ending possible?#fine. I’ll do it myself.#aria draws#digital art#digital drawing#fanart#petrigrof#golbetty#golb#betty grof#simon petrikov#simon x betty#adventure time#adventure time fanart#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#adventure time comics#I’m turning this into a sticker btw#once I get more sticker paper#it’s going on my laptop
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i feel like 'who talks like that' mentality has harmed unique dialogue in books ngl?? like we need to let our characters have their own way of talking, let them be a little melodramatic. the written word often requires flowery speech and sharing sentiments in a way real people don't because we cannot convey the micro expressions, the atmosphere, the little visual cues—all that modern media allows. you have to be willing to be a little cringe if you want your characters to stand out and feel earnest and real
#except c*lleen h**ver she needs to put down the pen entirely and maybe make them say a little less incredulous things#writing process#writing problems#writing prompt#writing progress#on writing#writing tools#writing advice#writeblr#creative writing#writers on tumblr#books#how to write#how to write fanfic#this is somewhat brought on by me trying to read more contemporary romance and wanting#to die every other sentence bc i could open wattpad and see the same exact dialogue exchanges over and over#and its jolting when i go back and forth between older books and newer ones lmao#i just miss the norm being a bit more flowery and sincere#real conversations that feel like they have purpose beyond filling the page until the next action paragraph or sex scene
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i still posit thered be way less inter-swiftie drama if we all stopped writing conspiracy theories and started making short-form psychoanalytical fiction writing exercises like a normal fucking fandom
#barry.txt#taylor swift#just write fic and let her date her lame boyfriend!#im not even talking abt gaylors specifically like the people who are having meltdowns in the anons over matty being the love of her life#just....play pretend....#you dont have to be right abt something to discuss it its ok just play pretend with me for a moment its ok#i am not technically a fanfic writer though my friends say i get honorary fic writer credits due to my contributions to the world of mcr fic#but its like. ur allowed to be wrong on purpose because you find it interesti g or emotionally affecting or bc you think its hot#ive been trying to articulate this for awhile but like i think this is the core. you can be wrong on purpose!#we dont know this woman and we're gonna be wrong anyway why not play pretend!
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oh yeah.... im making aus now.... florist au but al haitham is a part time employee at the plant nursery tighnari owns and kaveh keeps running into him
#im very scared about talking about aus#since im not a writer... im a reader!!! shout out to all the fanfic authors you guys really carry me#also this is very obviously a modern au#in said au i like to imagine that when kaveh isnt actively drawing he wears compression gloves that double as normal art gloves theyre just#expensive as fuck so he tries not to get them dirtied in ink and graphite#in a similar vein al haitham owns 1 billion compression shirts cause comfy compression#i have a bunch of really specific and small headcanons tbh#ANYWAY ABOUT THE NURSERY PART#kaveh is a regular that likes to support his friends by buying way too many flowers he doesnt have the time to take care of :3#also he buys samples to show clients when he has an idea involving flowers for decoration#collei also works there part time#also kaveh and al haitham knew each other in college but the Fallout(TM) happened so they stopped talking until they met again#met again in the nursery lol!!!#imagine being surrounded by carefully tended to flowers and trees and other flora while slowly falling in love#with the same guy that tore open your chest and peered directly into your soul#haikaveh#kavehtham#kaveh#alhaitham#genshin impact
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★A little oneshot for you guys hehe
I'm still writing the other story, but I was kind of discouraged about writing it after I accidentally deleted it (and I was almost done 💀)
So while I write it here is a oneshot for you guys~
★ This shit contains : Smut And sex in a car (lol😈)
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The day finally arrived, the day you had been waiting for for months.
Your long-distance boyfriend was finally visiting you. You had been dating for a while now, but due to living far apart, you hadn't had the chance to see each other in person.
As you waited anxiously at the airport, you couldn't help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness. As you finally caught sight of him making his way through the crowd, you couldn't help but smile.
He looked even more handsome in person than he did in the photos he had sent you.
You rushed forward to greet him and he enveloped you in a tight embrace, holding you tightly against him. As you pulled away, you saw his eyes rake over your form, the possessive look in his gaze making you shiver.
"You look even more beautiful in person." he murmured, his hands still gripping your hips possessively.
He leaned down, his breath hot against your ear as he whispered, "I've missed you so much. You have no idea how badly I've been wanting to do this."
He moved one hand to cup your chin, tilting your head up to meet his gaze.
His eyes darkened as he stared down at you, his thumb tracing over your bottom lip.
"I don't think I can wait until we get home." he said huskily, his words sending a bolt of heat through your body.
Before you could respond, he had grabbed your hand and was already pulling you towards the exit.
As soon as you made it to his car, he had you pinned against the door, his body bracketing yours.
He captured your lips in a fierce kiss, his hands sliding down to grip your hips. He broke the kiss to trail kisses down your neck, his breath coming in short gasps.
You gasped as he nipped at your neck, your hands coming up to clutch at his shoulders. "Wait... We're in public..." you managed to say, your voice coming out as a shaky whisper.
He chuckled against your skin, his hands sliding down to grip your thighs.
"I don't care." he said bluntly, his voice low and rough. He lifted you up effortlessly, your legs wrapping around his waist as he pressed you harder against the car.
His lips found yours again in a searing kiss, his tongue plunging into your mouth. You moaned against him, your hands tangling in his hair as he pressed himself against you, leaving no space between your bodies.
"C-can we at least get in the car?" You say the moment your lips part.
He pulled back slightly, his eyes still darkened with desire. He let out a growl that sent shivers down your spine. "Fine." he relented, his voice rough and breathless. With a quick motion, he had the car door open and you were suddenly being lowered into the backseat.
Before you could even catch your breath, he was already on top of you, trapping you beneath him. His hands were already under your shirt, roaming over your skin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.
When you realize it, You were already fucking in the car
───────────── ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ────────────
Sorry for the lack of details, I'm a bit short on time lol.
And I definitely don't have a fetish for having sex in a car.................................
#yandere male#yandere x male reader#yandere x you#fanfic#ao3 writer#boys like boys#gay boys#yandere#writing#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#i love boys#yaoi#smut#mlm#gay mlm#achillean#mlm love#mlm thoughts#mlm smut#male reader#sorry for being cringe#fanfiction#archive of our own#ao3fic
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Ask game: 39, 39, 39, 39, oh and also 39
Blease give me more of your writing your brain weirdness is extremely satisfying to my brain weirdness in a way that few others understand or can replicate
Immediately after the battle with Aizen, in what's left of Fake Karakura:
--
Something neon pink appeared at Shinji's elbow At Speed and he startled, yelping loudly and having to fight the reflex to kick what appeared to be a small girl.
"HeyifyouseemydadIwaswiththefallbacktimethewholetimeokay?" She spoke at a speed Shinji had only ever heard from a dangerously overcaffienated Mashiro before.
"I'm not lying for you, Kusajishi." sighed Kuchiki.
"YACHIRU!" someone bellowed loud enough to make the few unbroken windows ring, and Shinji turned to the sound of Ominous Jingling to see a giant of a man with a peculiar vertical hairstyle and a captain's Haori approaching, livid.
"Shit." She muttered, turning to grin sheepishly at her father as he stomped over, expression dark and a tiny, teal-haired toddler on his hip.
"Where were you supposed to be today?" The Giant growled down at Yachiru, and Kuchiki excused himself to sit down on a nearby piece of bench-height rubble.
"...You told me to stay with the fallback team in Seireitei." She sighed.
"So why are you here?" the giant growled.
"BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN WEIRD ALL MONTH AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU IN LAS NOCHES I'D NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF!" She shouted, reflexive foot-stomp blasting out a wave of enraged reiatsu.
"So, uh, who're Pinky and Punky here?" Shinji asked, limping over to sit down to watch next to Kuchiki.
"Eleventh Division Captain Zaraki Kenpachi and his daughter, Yachiru Kusajishi." Kuchiki nodded. "They're loud, but honorable and reliable."
"I'VE BEEN WEIRD ALL MONTH BECAUSE- Shit, it's- Its complicated, okay?" Kenpachi groaned.
"And the other girl?" Shinji asked.
"I believe Kurosaki said her name was 'Nel' or similar." Kuchiki nodded. "Not entirely sure why Zaraki is the one carrying her around but it's nothing to worry about. He's great with kids."
"SINCE WHEN HAS 'COMPLICATED' BEEN A REASON TO HIDE STUFF FROM ME?" Yachiru demanded, bristling at him.
"Great with kids, huh?" Shinji glanced over at Kuchiki.
"-BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON EITHER UNTIL ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO! WHAT IF SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU, HUH? IT'S *MY* JOB TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND DAMMIT!"
"Oh, nevermind, I see what you mean." Shinji nodded and there was the barest hint of a smirk on Kuchiki's face.
Yachiru sniffled, tearing up with rage. "WHAT? I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WORRY ABOUT YOU!?"
"YOU CAN WORRY ALL YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN'T RISK YOUR HIDE FOR MY SAKE, THAT'S NOT HOW IT FUCKING WORKS-!" he roared, jabbing his finger at Yachiru.
"Can I have a juice?" the teal-haired toddler asked from Zaraki's hip.
"-In a minute Yachiru, I need to-" Kenpachi started and stopped. He blinked a few times, then slowly turned to frown at Nel, then at Yachiru, then back at Nel, pointing between the two girls and expression shifting from rage to utter confusion.
"Did you see another abandoned baby and just pick it up because it was Yachiru-shaped and Neon Colored?" Kuchiki called, teasing.
Kenpachi looked up at him, bewildered "MAYBE??" and Yachiru rolled her eyes behind him.
"That’s the most 'Raised By Birds' thing you’ve done in a while." Kuchiki laughed, getting up to peer down at Nel with curiosity.
"Raised by WHAT?" Shinji asked, jogging up after him.
Kenpachi Stood up straight, shaking his shoulders like he was ruffling feathers. "One, I’m not putting her back, two, who the fuck are these assholes?" He asked, gesturing at Shinji and the other Visored who had started to gather in the rubble to catch their breath after the battle.
"Remember how half the captains had fallen in battle or otherwise vanished before you showed up?" Byakuya asked.
"No, because I wasn’t there." Huffed Kenpachi, rifling through his Kosode and producing a Juice Box for Nel. "-but I remember Ikkaku complaining about the employee turnover."
"-AND I WAS RIGHT!" Ikkaku bellowed from his stretcher behind them, too injured to stand but not about to stop fighting, as expected of someone wearing the 11th Division's lieutenant insignia.
"YOU'RE STILL IN DEEP SHIT FOR THAT BANKAI THING, CUEBALL." Zaraki holled back at his lieutenant, who only turned his head away, sulking.
"Apparently the assorted missing officers weren’t dead, they just caught an artificially induced case of hollowfication from Aizen, but managed to survive and stayed out here in the living world to recover and learn to control their abilities out of sight from him." Kuchiki explained. Beside them, meaningful eye contact was exchanged between father and daughter, and he gave her a juice box as well. "Tactical." Zaraki nodded approvingly. "Also, non-zero chance The Old Man would have killed y'all on sight."
"Er. Yeah." Shinji winced, looking over his shoulder to where a surprisingly non-apocalyptic-looking Captain-General was discussing something with Unohana.
"This man specifically is is Hirako Shinji, Aizen’s former boss." Kuchiki continued, introducing them properly. "Captain Hirako, Captain Zaraki."
"Hiya!" Shinji grinned, holding out a hand for Zaraki to shake, but instead, he too was handed a juice box.
Kenpachi eyed Shinji in a not precisely hostile but still unnerving manner, as he offered Kuchiki a juice box as well and when turned down, opened it for himself and drank, studying him.
"…This explains six or seven things." Zaraki finally spoke, nodding sagely.
Shinji glared up at the giant. "Excuse me?"
Kuchiki waved a hand between Shinji and Zaraki. "I promise, it’s technically a compliment."
"Yeah, if Ken-chan didn't like you, you wouldn't have a head right now." Yachiru giggled.
"Mostly explains the two sets of teaspoons in the 5th division break room." Zaraki nodded, holding his hands out to his sides. "You're, whatsit- tiger-tiger thing?"
"Huh?" Puzzled Shinji.
"Symmetry?" Tried Kuchiki. "I do recall Captain Hirako having immense talent with mirroring and reversing text and other things."
"That's the bitch!" Zaraki grinned. "Not a bad idea though, you always have enough spoons."
"Huh. I guess so?" Shinji pondered, eyeballing Zaraki in turn. "Kenpachi, so you're captain of the 11th? If I remember correctly, Kiganjo was the tenth Kenpachi- so how many Kenpachis did we run through while I was away?"
"Just him for the last century. Only the two serious challenges to his post." Kuchiki explained, looking almost... proud? There were strange political currents swirling here, leaving Shinji feeling adrift.
"For real?" Shinji asked with genuine admiration. Outside of statistical outliers like Unohana and The Old Man, it was rare for a captain to hold their post for more than two centuries, and the average in the 11th more like 60 years.
Kenpachi waved his hand noncommitally. "One and a half. Tetsuzaimon Iba was really challenging his Mother by proxy." he corrected, head tilting with a jingle and Shinji realized the vertiginous hairstyle was there to support a dozen or so small bells, before the rest of the sentence caught up with him.
"Tetsuzaimon?" Shinji blinked. "Wasn't that what Chikane Iba was going to call her son?
"Yah." Zaraki nodded, sounding like a sleigh full of presents.
Shinji stared blankly. "But- but- She was still pregnant when I.. left? He’s an infant!
"Nah, Lieutenant Iba's a whole-ass man now." Zaraki looked over his shoulder. "Ay Iba-" he called to a robust man with sunglasses wearing the 7th Division's lieutenant's badge, currently engaged in picking up Ikkaku and moving him out of the way for the 4th division triage. "-How come you're spotless when my vice looks like someone fucked up at the abattoir?"
"Hi Captain Zaraki!" Iba waved back, , Ikkaku slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "It's because he's a fucking idiot, sir!"
"FUCK YOU!" Ikkaku shrieked, flipping them off from where he hung awkwardly over his friend's shoulder.
"FUCK ME YOURSELF YOU COWARD!" Zaraki bellowed back.
Shinji watched the spectacle with wide eyes, slowly coming to an unpleasant realization, before slowly putting a hand on Kuchiki’s shoulder. "…Sojun." He sighed, using his colleauges given name with heavy morose. "I’m afraid we may be Old Men now."
Kuchiki turned and blinked at him, confused. "I’m Byakuya."
It was Shinji's turn to stare in confusion. "...Kuchiki Byakuya isn't even in the Academy yet?"
"No, I'm a captain now. Sojun, my father, died shortly after your disappearance." Apparently-Byakuya explained, arching a concerned eyebrow down at him.
"Fucking what." Shinji said flatly, feeling like he'd been drained of all color and redrawn with a sharpie by someone's off-hand.
"HAH!" Barked Zaraki. "Yer Old Fart, Tiger."
Byakuya scoffed up at Zaraki. "What’s that make you then?"
"An Ancient and Revered Relic, thank you." Kenpachi said, puffing up his chest in mock-pride.
"What's going on?" Nel asked Yachiru in a loud whisper.
"Bowlcut here is an old fart who is just now realizing that he's an old fart, but he’s younger than me, so he’s also a baby." Yachiru explained. "Either way, impressive bowel control for his age!"
"HEY!" Yelped Shinji.
"Drink ya Battle Victory juice, Tiger." Zaraki said, giving Shinji a consoling pat on the shoulder.
"...It's a bitter Juicy Juice I drink this day." Shinji sighed, disconsolately stabbing the box with the straw and drinking with despair.
#AEIWAM#an elephant is warm and mushy#bleach#bleach fanfic#fanfic writer ask game#zaraki kenpachi#shinji hirako#byakuya kuchiki#yachiru kusajishi#nelliel tu odelschwanck#long post#it's funny under the cut I promise#I love subjecting shinji to conversations that are like being hit with multiple baseball bats repeatedly
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